I'm probably the only student who will be continuing this blog in addition to the one I started on Wordpress. It will keep me writing and should keep my mind active. Today is a long a day, it would be normally, okay who am I kidding, I usually end up in school earlier then I need to be. Just going in to fill some paper for a job isn't adding time just taking away time from something I would rather be  doing.  It's for a background check, so it shouldn't take that long. Once it's done I'll have to go back and do the other paper. That will probably happen sometime later in the week.
 What a busy day yesterday! I have to admit something, I really like Baltimore a lot. It's got an amazing vibe and it's artsy, more so then DC. The art scene seems to be unified and MICA isn't some wall flower like Corcoran any of the other art departments of Schools in DC. DC is not really artsy, I'm sure that half of it is from the forced gentrification of neighborhoods. Developers seeing dollar signs, all cartoon like, they jump in and ignore everything else. They remind me of the Christopher Llyod in Roger Rabbit, the guy who wanted to destroy toon town.

a let down

 So I started to unfriend and unfollow people on Facebook; I think I'll just go off of it again.But not today, these cramps are getting better but I still feel blah. I have a headache from hell. I know my husband will want to go for a walk later on. All I want to do is nap, which I might start doing soon. Everything is annoying me today; everything is punch worthy. Yesterday was worse, but I'm still feel pretty shitty. I'm having one of those days when I don't have the patience to deal nor do I want to deal.

Have Fun Radio Land, Have Fun.

The last night and dinner is in the oven. We just got home about thirty minutes ago, maybe forty-five, it was a long day and at least part of it I'd like to do over, like the part of the Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink exploding in my bag.
The dog is going mental and he's been walking since about five. They walked to Eastern Market, and that's about two miles from our house. That's not counting the walking to get Potomac. He should be knocked out, although I think he is overtire because he is a bit ornery and brattish. I have my coffee and my silence.
Today we were asked about what we'll do after the two weeks, I'm continuing this blog as well as starting one one Wordpress, not sure why- I mean neither of my blogs are about anything or at least anyone thing. They are just ramblings, mussed, barely passing, missives some might verge on musings but only slightly. Jon says my writing has a very Beat style, which can be either good or bad depending on the writer and book. It make sense, my writings originally developed in bars and coffee houses on napkins and then progressed, not always well and some might even say digressed. But I would write just like I would paint, even if that writing was bad. As my friend would say "bad poetry comes from the sincerest of emotions" and it's true. (Wes, you hit the nail on the head with that one.)
I'm going to keep writing maybe it will land some place good or maybe it will just be a tumble weed on a land mind. Either way, it's time to say sayonara.
Have fun radio land.

rants..

I need to blog about this, this post on google plus that pisses me off because it reduces women to little girls that need protecting from the big bad world. I reposted it on my google plus account and basically it is saying that we want to be protected like daughters, respected like mothers and loved like wives.
First of all if a guy I'm sleeping with thinks of my like a daughter or mother something is wrong. I'm not either, at least not to him. My father was great but I don't need another one. It just seems to say we as women are still looking for the Prince that somehow we are unable to command or deserve the repeat we get on our own. We must fit into rolls that some one deemed respectable. It almost falls into the Madonna/Whore or Virgin/Slut territory. Those stereotypes piss me. They assume women can't enjoy sex and be a good person. A woman has the right to sleep with as many, or as little, people she wants to. End of discussion. Let me qualify this and say not at the expense of other people, without prior knowledge and consent from all parties involved.
People have different needs. Some don't monogamy and that's terrific. Just be honest about it. We are sexual beings and that's perfectly okay. We are human beings more then perfectly able to make our decisions and pick ourselves up after a stumble or two. I don't know any weak women; I know women who don't know their own strength and are afraid to be single. I know women who are overly dependent on their partners. (This can happen in lesbian relationships as well.) I know women who are afraid. But none of them are weak and they all have capability of do it for themselves.

Drawing Noses

 I'm sitting here, next to my dog who likes to keep me very warm by cuddling up right next to me. And I realize just two more days for the blog. It doesn't feel like it's been two weeks; I mean at times it was a struggle but I feel like I've pinpointed where the struggle was, downtimes. Like now, I am semi wrapped up, the dog is sleeping next to me while the laundry and dishwasher are going, and I'm writing this blog. I did join some art groups on google plus and added some people, but that was today. I love feeling my dog breathe as he lay next to me. (I should invent a pillow the simulates breathing; I bet that would bring in money.)
 I did do some drawing last night, I was practicing noses. Noses can be difficult because they are often a defining feature. Getting back to what helped make me, me has been really nice- almost like a homecoming. The first time I went to school a lot of things got in my way about returning, all financial. These things were out of my control; I feel that now. But school and art were so wrapped up in my created identity that when school was taken away from me, I froze. I took a five year leave of absence but those five years came and went. I was getting all set to go back; I had a loan ready, financial aid was set and then I did something stupid: I listened to someone else's insecurities but that isn't the whole truth I was told that I needed to have the money to get financial aid. I would also need an apartment and a job in Boston. I had it in Worcester. The decision was made to lower my sights to Worcester Art Museum (WAM), at least I thought it was lowering my sights but it wasn't. I took fantastic courses with fantastic people and teachers. The only issue was it wasn't accredited, they were adult classes. But I got to take classes for free, which is always great.
 Attachments, and desire. In Buddhism we are taught that these two things are the cause of suffering. And it's true. I take my past lessons seriously. Facebook is easy compared to other things I've given up. During that time I also became addicted, for lack of a better word, to fortune tellers. It seems so silly but it was a comfort to hear about my future, that somehow it would be okay or if not it would confirm my suspicions.  I don't believe now. I don't believe there is an ultimate destiny but a culmination of our actions and inactions and meaning life has, if at all, we put it there. We define the meaning ourselves by living moments, sometimes shared and sometimes not.

one year ago today

April skies opened up and poured over us. I can still hear the soft pats, and an email notification shows up reminding me that it's been a year since the Boston bombing. My mind goes to a friend of a friend who was comforting a child injured from the bombing. It still seems surreal. Those actions hit in a place I consider at home. Posts from my friends that day were like "there's a lot of smoke coming from Boylston Street." I know a lot of people drank heavily that night and watched the ensuing chase on TV. I've walked down those streets, friends lived down the street from the bombers. I don't doubt the older brother had something to do with a triple murder that happened in Waltham.

But a year later, after the shock and the worry I needed to be reminded by an email notification. I'm a little disturbed by that, but maybe I shouldn't be. I am not really connected to this, I wasn't there. I was here, yet it hits me like I was there; friends of mine were there.  People that I am connected to by other people, were there. It feels personal. 

It's Later.

So it's later, about nine hours or so later. I was greeted at Union Station by Jon and our dog, Jackson, who is now sitting at my feet. I'm home and in my shorts listening to the microwave defrosting what will be part of our dinner and watching the dog as I type this. He's laying on my feet, which feels nice. I like this tactile comfort, well I like tactile comfort period. I like feeling touch. It's such a grounding feeling. Giving Facebook up was a lot easier then I thought it would be. I thought it would be harder. It could have been and at one time I don't think I could. But I am now. Half of the ease of it was keeping my mind distracted and keeping myself busy. It's definitely true that it's harder when you dwell on something that you don't have, because you see it all around you. You just notice it more. This is has got me wondering and asking why do I even need a smart phone? I can see a cell, but to be honest I only got mine in 2006, eight years ago. And a cell would have been mighty handy in the days of dial up, especially since we only had one line.
I'm over hearing a conversation between Jon and his mother, sometimes I feel guilty about leaving work to go to school. Financially it seems to have hurt us but Jon feels stuck in his job. He's supportive of me going back to school, and we both know we'll be better off once I am done but honestly I have tremendous guilt about that. I carry a lot of guilt around though. ALOT.
The house is quiet, downtime has crept in as I am waiting to make the rest of dinner.